My Defining Moments
I will try to make this as brief as possible, but I feel I need to start at a point so that all of this will make some sense. It was on New Years day 2005. We were spending New Years with my parents (a 3 1/2 hour drive from where we live). I received a call from a family member about something another family member had done to upset (I really mean upset!) the family. It was incredibly foolish of this person to do and say what they did. I think it would have blown over very quickly, except for the fact that the offending person denied the offense numerous times. It really was a mess, for a long time. It affected all of our family gatherings, and really affected me personally. I asked this person to please stop trying to lie about what happened and even dared ask that they apologize. It became apparent that this was never going to happen. So, I took it upon myself to try and teach this person a lesson by setting some boundaries, among other things. BIG MISTAKE! Have you watched the television show Everybody Loves Raymond? If you have, you know Raymond’s mother Marie and his wife Debra. I felt like Debra trying to take on Marie. No matter how hard I tried to expose this person in my family for who they are and what kind of stuff they are capable of, I ended up being made out to be the guilty person. My husband told me my problem was, “I didn’t have it in me to be as ruthless and manipulative as the offender”.
Anyway, right in the middle of all of this, my father became ill and passed away in August of 2005. They say the grieving process can take up to four years. I think I hit it right down to the minute. Now, in August of 2005, I’m missing my daddy and pondering my own mortality, along with an anger issue that’s hiding somewhere in my heart. At one point all I could think about was, Lord, I don’t want to waste the rest of my life, and I would play over in my mind, what can can I say or do to this family offender to put him (or her) in their place. As time went on I moved through the grief process, and it had been long enough since the offense in the family that it was somewhat out of sight and out of mind. I began to really feel like the Lord was drawing close and I was desiring very much to deepen my relationship with Him. I felt my focus changing from ME to HIM. I was seeking and praying and asking the Lord For A Deeper Walk ~ A Deeper Walk In The Holy Spirit. I was reading and studying the Word, on a regular basis. In Sunday school class and in my Pastor’s sermons, I would be drawn to hear in my mind and heart, Holy Spirit…Holy Spirit. I just couldn’t think about anything else. Another thing I was noticing about myself, was that during all of this I was becoming very critical and judgemental. Everything seemed to be intensified (all a part of my lingering anger issue, which will be discussed later).
We had gone to our Daughter’s Church one Sunday and as I was waiting on our group to assemble, I was looking around in the Church book store. Staring me in the face was the Pastor’s teaching Cd’s on The Holy Spirit. So, I bought them. They really were a great resource. So now, I’m thinking this is great. I’m learning, I’m being enlightened and I really feel good about all of this. My husband was mentoring me as we were listening to the Cd’s. Instead of thinking Lord, I don’t want to waste the rest of my life, I was thinking Lord, I can only imagine what you are going to do. I wanted everything the Holy Spirit had to offer. Pretty positive turn around, don’t you think? That’s what I thought, but it was just the beginning. I’ve learned that the Lord is always teaching us. Remember the quote from yesterday? “There has yet to be a book written, Humility and How I Achieved It.”
Next, in the tale of my defining moments, I had dinner with a friend that was in town for an evening. As we talked, we began to realize that we were both seeking the same thing. We were both desiring a close, intimate walk in the Spirit. She told me about a book she had read titled Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray, and how it had impacted her life. So, I went home and ordered it. When I received the book, there was an added bonus. It was not only Andrew Murray’s Absolute Surrender, it was Humility and Absolute Surrender. The Lord always knows what we need and what is best for us, doesn’t He?
So far my defining moments are: A Family Offender crisis; The death of my Father; and Dinner with a Friend + A Great Book.
Today, I ask you to ponder on two passages of Scripture. Open your Bible, and read them for yourself. The first is James 4:8, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” I said, above, that I really felt the Lord drawing close to me. Part of the reason for that was that I was drawing myself to Him. The second passage of Scripture is:
“Have this mind in you which was also in Christ Jesus:
who emptied himself, taking the form of a servant;
and humbled himself, becoming obedient even unto death.”
Philippians 2:5-8
Write down your own thoughts about these two passages of Scripture.
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